Some other me
by daughter of the fifth house
Summary: Because of a very big threat to the Alpha Quadrant Jamie Kirk wants to use the Guardian of Forever to meet Ambassador Spock before his death and ask him for help. But it's not going as planned. She's in for a big surprise. And so is the crew of the Enterprise. (Don't jump to conclusions: She may not be who you think she is...)
1. Chapter 1: The Guardian of Forever

Disclaimer:  
Star Trek doesn't belong to me. I'm just borrowing some characters for this story.

Author's notes:  
English isn't my first language. So (aside from possible typing errors) there may be grammar mistakes or clumsy/bumpy expressions.  
This story's title is inspired by a song from the musical "If/then". The Guardian of Forever is from TOS. It/he also appears in some Star Trek novels.  
This story takes place right before STB.

* * *

 **Chapter 1: The Guardian of Forever**

She wasn't supposed to exist. Well, at least not as a woman. She knew that. But here she was. And she was probably about to do something very dangerous and very stupid. For a greater good of course. But that didn't make it less risky.

While the young woman was walking down the ship's corridors to the transporter room her hair fell in dark golden waves around her face and down over her shoulders on her black and golden uniform. Her bright blue eyes had the transporter chief fixated when she stepped through the door. "I'm going down. It shouldn't take too long."

The Chief, a human man, nodded.

She saw the curiosity in his eyes. He was wondering why she was beaming down alone. He was new to the ship and she knew he wouldn't dare to ask what she was about to do. Without any other word she stepped onto the transporter platform and ordered to energize. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath when the familiar tingling began und even kept them shut when she felt the slight breeze on the planet's surface. Was she getting cold feet? Another deep breath. She opened her eyes and looked around.

There it was. A stone portal between ruins. Out here on a far away planet on the edge of the Alpha Quadrant. Slowly she headed for it while the sun went down at the horizon.

"I am the Guardian of Forever. I was expecting you", a deep male voice rose and the unevenly shape ring of the portal lit up.

She stopped right in front of it. "So, you know why I am here."

"Yes."

"And will you help me?"

Silence.

She bit her lip und sighed. "A lot depends on it", she added silently.

"I know."

"So?"

"You need to be certain."

"Of what? Stepping through? I wouldn't be here if I wasn't." Her heart beat a little bit faster now.

"You need to be certain. It may be dangerous."

She slightly nodded. "I know. I will be very careful not to interfere with the timeline. I just need to... talk to him. He knows what we can do. There is no other way to win."

Now the voice sighed. "You are so young."

She was about to answer that she wasn't that young. But then it occurred to her that he didn't mean her. He meant Humanity. She just shrugged. "Yeah... maybe..."

"But I see the potential."

She looked up. "So...?" she picked up her earlier question.

"Once, in another life, he stood before me where you are standing now", the Guardian of Forever suddenly took the conversation into another direction.

"I know."

"How?"

She chuckled and was suddenly more confident of her decision now. "Shouldn't you know that?"

"Ah, so you think, I see everything and know everything?"

"Sort of."

"Well, yes. And no."

"Why do you higher beings always have to talk like that?"

The Guardian of Forever laughed. "I was not aware that you had met others."

"I heard enough."

"From him?"

She sighed again. "Why do we have this conversation when you know everything?" She crossed her arms. "Will you open the portal or not? You know how screwed up the timelines are and what is happening because of right now." She pointed up the sky. "The whole Alpha Quadrant is in great danger, hell maybe even the whole galaxy for all we know. I _need_ to do something. And this is the only way."

"The only way you can think of."

"So I could do something else?"

"I did not say that."

Now, the young woman grew angry. "Will you help me or not, Guardian of Forever? Will you allow me to step through the portal? Or not?"

Silence.

"Look, just say yes or no. I... please, this is important! ... Or am I asking too much? Can't you send me where I want to go?"

"I am the Guardian of Forever. I can see everything. All that is, all that was and all that ever could be. And I am not allowed to interfere."

She rolled her eyes. "So this is a no?" She was confused. Maybe the letter she had received was wrong.

"I am not allowed to interfere", he repeated.

But to her surprise the portal started glimmering and some kind of energy vortex formed. And then she understood. He had simply answered her question. Yes, he could sent her into the past. But she would be on her own - he could not help her there.

"I know that there is something else. Do not deny it. You also want to ask him about the other you... But I need to warn you: You may think you know what you need to do or what you want to learn there. But what if you are wrong?"

She hesitated. Suddenly she was even more nervous than while beaming down. But she stepped forward und vanished in the shimmering and swirling energy of the time vortex.

"Be careful, Jamie Kirk."

* * *

Autor's note: She may not be who you think she is... Just wait and see...


	2. Chapter 2: Surprises

Author's note: This chapter (as well as the previous one) contains a little reference to Doctor Who. I couldn't resist... Maybe you recognize it...

SPOILER: In the comics telling the story after STB Kirk and his crew have an encounter with the Borg. For my story I mixed the part with the Narada in.

* * *

 **Chapter 2: Surprises**

Everything was wrong. Jamie Kirk appeared in a ship's corridor. The Enterprise's corridor near the mess hall to be exact. She recognized it instantly.

"Oh no... Why did you send me here?" She watched out to not be seen. She leaned against a wall in a junction and closed her eyes for a second to think about her next steps. And to brace herself. "This isn't where I wanted to be", she whispered.

 _No. But this is where you need to be,_ she suddenly heard the Guardian's voice in her head.

Jamie rolled her eyes at the cryptic words, took a deep breath and began to walk. She was thankful that no one was around and searched for an empty room or lab with a computer console.

"Oh no...", she repeated when she saw the stardate on a screen. "This can't be..." She looked up and shot a glare at the invisible Guardian of Forever. "The older Spock is already dead. He died two days ago. Why I am here? I _need_ to speak to him. You sent me to the wrong time!" she hissed sharply in a low voice. "I need his knowledge and advice."

 _You will find what you need_ , the Guardian's voice simply said.

"Will I?"

Silence.

"Great..." she muttered exasperated and looked around as if she could find the Guardian by that. "Come on. Tell me why you sent me here! The timeline is screwed up and Spock was the only one who knew our enemies. I _really_ need to get to a time when he was still alive. And the date... I must not be here! In a few days the Enterprise will dock at Yorktown... and be destroyed at Altamid. I must not be involved!"

Silence.

"Guardian? Dammit..."

Jamie snorted and went to the door. Carefully she looked if anybody was in the corridor. She contemplated her options and came to only one conclusion: Hiding was pointless. After all, the crew - or at least part of them - knew about time travel and alternative realities. They shouldn't be too much surprised to meet her.

So, she started walking to the mess hall. Due to the time of day, maybe Commander Spock would be there and it shouldn't be crowded too much. She didn't dare to ask the computer about his location, because it might alert security. Perhaps the young Spock could help her in some way.

When she entered the mess hall her gaze wandered around.

"Oh, you've gotta be kidding me..." Jamie said loud - maybe too loud - and put her hands on her hips when she saw the table where the bridge officers, Leonard McCoy and Montgomery Scott were eating together.

Their heads flew around at the unexpected exclamation. Others too. And the room fell suddenly very silent. Nobody talked or moved.

Then, from the side a man with a red uniform shirt took a few steps into Jamie's direction. "Who are you? How did you get on this ship? What are your intentions?" he barked.

Hands still on her hips she tilted her head and looked at him. "Jamie Kirk. Ancient portal on some dusty planet. It's complicated", she gave back coolly and straight forward.

"Oh, not again!" Captain James Tiberius Kirk exclaimed and left the table. Commander Spock and Doctor McCoy followed him while Lieutenant Uhura, Ensign Chekov, Lieutenant Sulu and Scotty remained sitting. "Another me from a parallel reality? I just hope you're not from some evil universe."

Jamie blinked at him in surprise. Parallel universe? _Oh boy._ They assumed she was from an alternate reality. "Not evil. Promise."

"How many female Kirks are running around out there?" McCoy said folding his arms and shaking his head.

Jamie sighed. This was an absolute mess. _Dammit._ But she decided to not correct them. Though she wasn't sure if this was a good idea.

"Did you get here accidentally or by purpose?" Spock inquired.

"Sort of both." _Okay, breathe_ , she told herself.

"Care to elaborate?" Captain Kirk asked.

But before she could answer him, Spock made a remark. "Are you not the Captain of your Enterprise?"

Now the others saw it too. Her uniform wasn't only different to theirs by design - she also had Commander's bars on her sleeves.

"No. I am a Commander."

Spock surveyed her and raised an eyebrow. "You answers are quite vague", he pointed out.

Jamie held his gaze and crossed her arms. "Do we have to talk in front of the whole crew?"

"Briefing room", Captain Kirk gestured to the bridge crew and the visitor.

* * *

 _Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck_... Jamie thought while walking with the Captain and the senior officers. Perhaps she was going about everything all wrong. Perhaps she shouldn't have walked in like that. Perhaps she should tell that she wasn't from a parallel reality.

Nobody said a word until they reached the briefing room and sat down. Kirk was at the head of the table, Jamie on his right, Spock on the left side. McCoy and Uhura took the places next to Spock, Sulu and Chekov next to the visitor.

Before Jamie could think about it twice she was already talking. "I'm here because I need help. Some very specific advice. Where I come from..." She now chose her words very carefully. "... we are facing some very dangerous enemies..." _Oh_ _what the hell, they might as well know it_ , she thought, _they will meet them soon_. "They're called the Borg..."

Confused looks.

She sighed and closed her eyes for a few seconds. "I really wasn't planning on turning up here..."

"So, where did you want to go?" Kirk asked.

"New Vulcan."

"You wanted to meet Ambassador Spock." Uhura wasn't the only one to conclude this, but the first to speak.

"I know he knew of them. And I hoped to meet him on New Vulcan. But something went wrong. Obviously..." She needed to be careful. They didn't know yet, that the Ambassador had just died. The younger Spock would get the message in a few days.

"Isn't he alive anymore where you come from?" McCoy asked.

Jamie shook her head. "He's long gone." Not the whole truth, but not a lie either.

"Long range communications are currently down for repairs and we need to keep our schedule", the Captain said. "But we'll dock at Yorktown base in two days. Either communications are up again prior to our arrival or you can contact the Ambassador on the station."

"I'm afraid, I can't promise anything", Scotty added. "We took quite a hit on those systems on our last mission. We don't have the spare parts and are currently trying to macgyver something."

Jamie nodded slowly. Of course she had already known that contacting Vulcan would not be possible.

"What are the Borg?" Sulu began to speak.

"A dangerous race of cybernetic people with a collective mind and very advanced ships and weapons. They assimilate other species and make them a part of this collective. They..."

The others looked at her curiously and wondered why she was so reluctant, why she was so different than James Kirk.

Jamie sighed. "Where I come from... not everyone on the Narada died", she suddenly said in a firm voice and everyone looked shocked at her. "Physics can be tricky... The combination of red matter and a supernova sent the Narada and the Jellyfish from the year 2387 into the past, but the explosion of red matter, the warp core of the Narada and the Enterprise's warp core on the other hand... Well, the event horizon from which the Enterprise barely escaped wasn't a simple black hole - it was an instable wormhole through space. But not time."

Silence overtook the room.

Jamie stood up, crossed her arms and walked a few steps to the opposite end of the conference table. She pressed her lips together. "The Enterprise damaged the Narada pretty good. But the ship wasn't completely destroyed. The wreckage was thrown into the Delta Quadrant. Right in front of some Borg ship."

"Oh boy..." Sulu muttered.

Jim Kirk and Spock looked at each other in disbelief, then at Jamie. She simply nodded sadly.

"What happened then?" Uhura asked carefully.

"The Borg assimilated the surviving few Romulans and the technology from the future. They gained knowledge they should never have gotten. And the worst part - they learned about the Federation."

"They attacked", Jim Kirk concluded.

"It... took them a while to get to Federation space... but yes, they did. We are currently fighting the Borg. When I left they were heading to Earth. Part of our fleet is slowing them down, but..."

The officers at the table went pale.

Jamie sat down again. "Has the Ambassador deposited instructions for a case like this?"

"Didn't yours?" the Captain asked confused.

"Sort of..." she answered, vaguely of course. "I thought... I hoped... I could ask him for his help."

"On my last visit to New Vulcan he gave me a chest for safekeeping", Spock began to speak. "I could show it to you if you accompany me to my quarters. Perhaps there is something helpful inside. I was to hold on to it and not open it until some point in the future. But he never mentioned an exact timeframe." He looked at Jim Kirk. "With the Captain's permission?"

Kirk nodded and made a gesture. "Yeah, why not. Go ahead. I guess there's no time to lose."

"If I am successful, I will be pulled back right in the moment I left", Jamie explained. "At least I hope I will."

Spock rose and Jamie followed him.

"And just another completely ordinary day on the Enterprise..." McCoy muttered rolling his eyes when the door closed behind them.

* * *

Jamie walked with Spock silently. He didn't speak a word, but she felt his eyes upon her repeatedly. When they entered his quarters she remained standing in the middle of the room while he was fetching the things of the Ambassador. Spock brought a small plain metal chest and put it onto the table next to Jamie.

"You are not another version of James Kirk, are you?" he suddenly asked. Though it sounded a little more than a statement than a question.

"What?" she replied surprised. And a little shocked.

Spock tilted his head. "You look a lot like him, but I can see also a striking resemblance to your mother."

She remained silent. Of course Spock would figure it out.

"And you kept all your answers very vague."

Jamie held his gaze. "I never lied."

"No, but you didn't tell the truth either. You let assumptions go on."

"The threat of the Borg is the truth and very real", she retorted in a stern voice.

Spock nodded. "I believe you. We would not be here if I did not." He gestured to the metal box on the table. "And thankfully the others think the events you were telling about are happening in another reality."

Silence overtook the room again.

"Is Jamie your real name?"

"Yes. I am really Jamie Kirk."

"The daughter of James Tiberius Kirk and Carol Marcus. From the future. About 25 years I would estimate", Spock said calmly.

She held his gaze again and her lips cracked into a slight smile. "Yes."


	3. Chapter 3: The whole truth

**Chapter3: The whole truth**

Slowly Spock opened the metal chest on the table. "Why didn't you tell us who you are, in the first place?"

Jamie stepped next to him and took a look at the items inside. "I told you my name... But Dad... I mean, Captain Kirk, just assumed that I'm from a parallel universe. I actually don't know why I went with it. Perhaps..."

"...you thought it to be easier?" Spock suggested. "Because you are not born yet."

"Well, all of you had your fair share of time travelers. And to be honest - it wasn't an easy decision to come here. I... I'm actually afraid to screw things up. I don't want to meddle with the timeline. I just... saw no other option. The Ambassador was my only hope. I had planned to meet him directly on New Vulcan and to be seen by absolutely none one else."

"For the daughter of the man who doesn't believe in no-win scenarios this sounds a little gloomy, does it not?"

Jamie shook her head and smiled slightly. "I know that the Federation in the Ambassador's time was able to protect Earth and the Alpha Quadrant. So yes, I do definitely _not_ believe that this is a no-win scenario. But the road has gotten a little bumpier now." She briefly held her breath. This was much more than she wanted to reveal. She knew the first confrontations with the Borg were merely months away and it pained her to know what was going to happen. _You must not interfere,_ Jamie told herself. _You must not change the past. You are here about the future of_ your _time._

Spock took a jewel box out of the chest and placed it on the table. Then he grabbed a few sealed envelopes, real paper envelopes. As he read, one by one, to whom they were addressed Jamie knew what was coming.

"There is one for you", he said surprised and handed it to her. Jamie took the letter, but didn't move. _To the daughter or son of James T. Kirk, to be given after the 25th birthday,_ was written in a delicate hand. Spock's hand.

The Half-Vulcan was confused by her non-reaction.

"I know this letter", she finally explained in a sad voice. "I got it a few week ago." In fact _her_ letter was in one of her pockets right now. But she wouldn't tell him that, of course.

Spock was about to start a question when he realized something. "You also have a personal agenda. The Borg are not your only reason for being here."

Her eyes shot up surprised.

"You wanted his help, but it has also something to do with this letter, am I right? What is it?"

Jamie put the letter down on the table and made a helpless gesture. "I wouldn't be a good idea to tell you what he wrote. You would carry that knowledge while I grow up. I can't burden you with that and I don't know if that would change the future."

Spock nodded slowly. "You arguments are logical, however there is one flaw."

She gave him a curious look.

"The writing", he simply said.

Jamie rolled her eyes. Of course. He didn't really need to know what - else - the letter said. _To the daughter or son of James T. Kirk._ Those few words already spoke volumes. "He knew very well what sex this child had. Or should have had. But he wrote is like _this_ ", she said quietly.

"The other Jim Kirk did not have a daughter?"

Jamie shook her head. "A son. Who was murdered. At the age of 24..." She took a chair and sat down.

"You are having some kind of identity crisis", Spock concluded.

"I should not care about that letter. Everything was fine... before I knew about David... That was his name... It's strange. I mean, of course it was strange to learn that I was never supposed to exist. That in the other timeline, the original timeline, there was a David... If it weren't for Nero - David would exist. If it weren't for Nero - the Borg would not invade the Alpha Quadrant." And she was again saying too much about the Borg in the future. She sighed.

Now, Spock also sat down. "You cannot do this to yourself."

She remained silent.

"You cannot see yourself as some flaw of this timeline."

"But I kind of am. The Borg should not be on their way to Earth and I should not exist."

"If I may cite a close friend - _bullshit_."

Jamie blinked surprised. And suddenly, she laughed. "Nice pep talk." Then she grew serious again. "Perhaps I am too absorbed in all of this. But I can't help thinking about it. David should have been born. Not me. And the Borg shouldn't have gotten to the Alpha Quadrant so soon... I probably shouldn't tell you this..." No she really, definitely, absolutely shouldn't. "They are mentioned in one of the other letters, one not to be opened for a hundred years from now." Jamie saw the letter in question in the pile in Spock's hands. "He never wanted to get involved, but in the end..."

"He could not bring himself to not warn us about the worst. That is also why he told us about Khan a few years back."

Jamie nodded. "His letters carry warnings. No solutions. And I guess he never anticipated for the Borg to show up earlier than in his timeline."

Well, perhaps it didn't matter anyway that the young Spock knew now. She just hoped he would not ask, how she could know what was in the letter which actually shouldn't have been opened in her time yet. If he should be asking, she would have to make something up. She couldn't tell him what was going to happen to his Enterprise and Yorktown. The chest and its contents would soon be getting lost in the battle of Altamid and recovered years later when Starfleet would salvage what would be left of the first NCC-1701. For her it was history, for him it was the future.

"And that is why you travelled back in time."

Jamie was relieved. He gave her a strange look, but didn't ask the feared question. "Yeah... I am looking for a way to protect the Alpha Quadrant, but the Guardian of Forever sent me not where I wanted to go."

"The Guardian of Forever?"

"Long story. Complicated", she gestured and stood up to browse further through the chest. But aside from another box with Vulcan trinkets there wasn't much more inside. Or at least nothing helpful. _Figures_ , she thought. _If there would have been something we would have probably found it in our time._

"Nothing?"

Jamie shook her head. "I really don't know why the Guardian sent me here. I could have also talked to all of you in my time. Where everyone's got much more knowledge about the Borg and has experience in fighting them."

Spock's face softened in a realization. "I think, exactly that might be the answer you are looking for."

"I don't understand."

"What if you simply needed some fresh pair of eyes? Some neutral views on the matter? Or a change of perspective?"

She hesitated for a moment. "Wouldn't that be far too easy?"

" _You_ tell _me_."

Jamie thought about it for a minute. There was practically no scenario and no weapon modification they hadn't tried in her time. What was different? What did the Guardian want her to see or learn?

"Perhaps you should get some rest", Spock said and interrupted her thoughts. "I will escort you to one of our guest quarters."

She was about to protest, but changed her mind and simply nodded. So they left Spock's quarters together.

"By the way, I am realizing that you left out some information about the letters. But I will not ask further."

Jamie smiled amused. Of course he did...


	4. Chapter 4: The letter

Author's note: According to Memory Alpha David Marcus was born around 2261. STID was set around 2259 and STB in 2263. But Kirk Prime became Captain of the Enterprise in 2265. Jim and Carol were involved in the early 2260s while he was first officer on another starship. There's even a comic that shows part of their relationship, that he learned about David and that Carol wanted to raise him on her own.

* * *

 **Chapter 4: The letter**

Jamie was lying wide awake on the bed in one of the guest quarters. Her mind didn't come at peace. There was too much spinning around in her head.

"Computer, lights at 30 percent", she said finally, pulled the blanket away and sat up cross legged. She reached out for the bedside table and took some folded pieces of paper. It was the letter from the older Spock. The one she had gotten a few weeks ago. She had carried it in a pocket of her uniform, but didn't want to tell the younger Spock about it.

Jamie unfolded the sheets and read the words she already almost knew by heart.

 _Dear daughter or son of James T. Kirk,_

 _certainly, this letter will be a surprise to you, but I am sure that your parents or my younger self will have told you about me._

 _Writing this was no easy decision for I swore to myself not to interfere in this timeline. Or not too much, as I have to say now. After a while on New Vulcan I decided to leave some letters for the future. There were things I could not get off my mind._

 _I write to you now, because I came to the conclusion that you should know about yourself in the other timeline. Or more precisely: About someone who was never born in this reality. I am actually not sure if "the other you" is the appropriate term. Maybe it is not at all. Maybe "sibling" would be a better word._

 _His name was David Marcus. He was born in 2261 when his parents, James Kirk and Carol Marcus, had separated. I think they still - and always - loved each other, but the timing was unfortunate and ill-fated. In my timeline they were not meant to be a couple. So, Carol Marcus never got married to James Kirk. She raised her son alone and he became a scientist like his mother. Together they worked on a project that made them cross paths with Admiral Kirk in the year 2285. I think it to be best not to go into details for I don't know, if your mother will be working on the same project in this reality... What then happened to the three of them was devastating. There was a conflict with enemies of the Federation. They tried to get the project and David got killed when he tried to save a woman's life._ _He was 24 at that time._

 _His age at the time of his death is the reason why you get this letter after your 25th birthday. I fear that these lines will emotionally affect you. And I very much apologize for that. It is not my intention, I assure you that. I did not want you to worry about what I am telling you with this letter while growing up and being 24. I did not want you to fear that something could happen to you at his age. I only want you to know that there was a David Marcus, that he was a very good and caring man and especially that he deserves you knowing about him._

 _But I must admit that it may also be a little bit selfish of me to write this letter. My life is ending soon and, to my knowledge, your mother is not pregnant yet. I know your mother and father are in a relationship and I am sure there will be a child. But I will not see you be born or grow up. Though David did not live to celebrate his 25th birthday I am certain that you will. In the years I am living in this reality now, I realized that for James T. Kirk and his friends and family the path deviates from my reality. In a good way. In a way that makes me very confident that a bright future lies ahead for you and your family. And I know that you will grow up to be become a strong and unique person. You will contribute to shape the future of the Federation, no matter which carrier path you will choose._

 _Yours,_  
 _Selek (Spock)_

Jamie sighed. It was really no bad letter. Strange maybe, but not bad. She knew that and told herself repeatedly.

After a while of staring at the words on the paper, she put the letter away and lay down again. She wondered if it would have been easier if she'd never gotten that letter. She wondered what exactly made her feel the way she was feeling. The fact that there should have been a David and not a Jamie? After all, that was what she'd told the young Spock... Or was she, kind of, mourning an older brother she'd never had? In theory, he - both of them - could have been existed in this reality, for she was born in 2263. But no... if Nero had not killed George Kirk, there would not have been an alternative reality. And she would have never been born. David and herself were, in a manner of speaking, parts of the price to pay for the changes in the timeline. Not to mention the countless lives Nero extinguished.

Jamie was staring at the ceiling again. Her mind was racing. When her thoughts finally let go the letter for now thinking about the Borg kept her further awake. And she thought about the other letters from Spock she knew. The one about the Guardian of Forever, for example. It had warned about the dangers of stepping through. But it had given her the idea to meet the Ambassador and ask him for help. A risky idea...

"Kirk to Brain, please shut up and let me sleep..." she murmured some time later, turned on her left side and drew her blanket higher.


	5. Chapter 5: The first step

Author's note:

In the Comics between 2009 and STID the Enterprise first encounters the mirror universe and later Jane T. Kirk and her crew. In the last issue before STB they also get a glimpse into the Prime universe. The comics "To boldly go" tell the story after STB during the construction of the Enterprise-A. Kirk then commands the USS Endeavour and they meet the Borg for the first time...

* * *

 **Chapter 5: The first step**

Very early in the morning Jamie was sitting on the floor in front of a panorama window on the observation deck. Her hands were wrapped around her knees. She was tired, hadn't really slept. She was so absorbed in the thoughts that had kept her awake she didn't notice Commander Spock sitting down next to her.

"I have been thinking about our conversation last night."

Her head flew around.

"I am sorry for startling you", he apologized.

"It's alright." She rested her chin on her knees and let her gaze wander to the deep space they were currently drifting in. "So... did you tell the Captain who I am?"

"No."

She cocked her head while still letting it rest on her knees. "Why?"

"You are right. It is better this way. The strange thing only is that I was in a similar situation when your mother first came on the ship."

Jamie smiled slightly, but said nothing.

"I could destroy the letter addressed to you, so you would never receive it", Spock suggested, half-heartedly as she realized immediately. It would change the timeline - which neither of them wanted.

Jamie chewed at her bottom lip. "He knew there would be no David..." she slowly started. She didn't want to talk about the letter, but couldn't stop herself either. "Don't get me wrong, it's no bad letter. I don't exactly mind knowing all those things... But it got me pretty rattled and made me think about... a few things..."

Spock remained silent.

"The Ambassador kept tabs on Mum and Dad. He was hoping they would get together and start a family, but... a lot was different. In the end, the Ambassador actually thought they were on a better path. Only, that path meant that there was no David. He would have been born in 2261. But here, in this universe, Mum and Dad started barely dating by then." She shook her head smiling. "It's funny, actually. In the other timeline Jim Kirk didn't become Captain of the Enterprise until 2265, but he knew Mum much earlier and she got pregnant - but it didn't work out for them. She raised David on her own. In this reality, he - all of you - stumbled on the fast lane when the Narada showed up. Dad got the Enterprise in 2258, but he and Mum met later, under other circumstances and started a serious relationship not until... well, about now... 2263..." She stopped herself, not wanting to say too much... more.

"Their relationship will hold?" Spock asked though he knew how dangerous it could be to know about the future. He appreciated her being so careful in that regard.

Jamie simply nodded. "I'm actually glad that she's not on the ship right now. At least the Guardian saved me from accidentally screwing something up between them."

"Dr. Marcus will return from the conference right in time for the Captain's birthday."

"I better be gone by then", Jamie said, thinking not only about Carol Marcus, but once again about the upcoming events on Yorktown and Altamid. In two days the Enterprise would dock... and she should be gone by then. For a brief moment she was tempted to tell Spock, that Carol would soon find out that she was pregnant.

Spock nodded. "Do you think she would not believe that you are an alternate version of the Captain?"

"I'm not sure. I don't want to risk it. And I hope the Guardian won't either and open the portal for me." She sighed. "So what now?"

"Now you take one step at a time. Maybe the first thing you need to do is to step out of the shadow of someone, who did not exist in this timeline. Because _you_ do. This is _your_ life and you are on a very important mission. You are letting yourself be paralyzed by the thought about what has happened in the other reality. He lived there and he died there. But you are here. This is _your_ universe."

A strange feeling came over Jamie. She knew Spock, well the older version of this Spock, all her life. And yet, now she was seeing a side of him she'd never noticed before. In this moment, he wasn't the uncle, who had helped raising her - here, he was a friend trying to help. And she suddenly felt stronger.

* * *

Crossing paths with James Kirk was unavoidable, of course. Jamie decided to take a leap forward and, holding a cup of coffee, sat down at the table he was having breakfast alone. She just needed to be careful not to blow her cover. "Hi."

He looked up. "Hi."

She took a sip of her coffee. "Not bad, but also not good", she commented and put the cup on the table. Actually, she was more of a tea person like her mother. But walking around with tea might have looked suspicious.

"Yeah... maybe we're getting something better at Yorktown."

Jamie nodded slowly. "I'm really sorry for barging in like that yesterday."

"You mentioned some portal."

She tilted her head and winked. "Yeah, well, spoilers... You will find out for yourself. I don't want to mess with the timeline... here..." And there was that very thin line again...

Jim Kirk held her gaze, then finally nodded. "I guess it's better not to know what some other me has run into. Or all other parallel versions, that is."

She stared at him in surprise and tried not to let it show. She was glad he didn't quiz her about her life and work. And she was also a little bit - okay, quite - shocked that these words struck right in the middle of that tornado of thoughts which didn't let her go.

"When we first met ourselves from another reality it was quite amusing. There was a Jane Kirk." The Captain slightly chuckled. "But other encounters weren't that much fun, even dangerous."

"How many other Kirks did you meet?" she asked curiously - genuinely curious, because it occurred to her that she had never really talked with her father about the other versions of himself he had met over the years. Suddenly she realized that it must have taken quite a toll on him. Or Spock. Oh my, she hadn't even asked Spock in their conversations, how he...well, felt, about his older self and the differences in their lives.

"Three, I guess, but I stopped counting after the second time. "

"Do you..." she trailed off and hesitated to really ask. "... ever wonder if everything is right? The way it's meant to be?"

"Are you kidding?" Jim laughed. "The mind meld with the older Spock on Delta Vega and seeing his reality's future was one thing, but a dark, evil version of myself or a female one... now the second time... and only a month ago strange glimpses in the universe Ambassador Spock came from... I wouldn't even know where to begin."

Jamie froze. The Ambassador's reality. The incident with _that_ Enterprise had been, from this point of time, only a few weeks ago. And Altamid, the destruction of the Enterprise, the crew splitting up during the rebuild and the first encounter with the Borg were right around the corner. She was getting now a pretty good hunch why the Guardian of Forever had sent her here.

"I take it you haven't met that many other versions of you... well, us, I mean?"

"No, only heard about, but never met." She stared into her coffee cup. She felt suddenly very stupid that she'd let herself so thrown so very off balance by that letter about David.

And, God, it was really, really weird talking to her own father, who was thinking he was sitting opposite to a female version of himself from a parallel universe - and not his daughter from the future. But then again, when did the Kirk-Family ever do anything normal?

"Well, gotta go, Alpha shift's starting", the Captain suddenly said and rose. "See you later."

"Yeah..." Jamie looked after him and was not sure what to do next. These last few weeks she really wasn't herself.


	6. Chapter 6: Breakthrough

**Chapter 6: Breakthrough**

Oddly, the morning on the Enterprise went on as normal as if Jamie Kirk wasn't even on board. _Thank heavens_ , she thought, when she was wandered through the decks. With official permission, of course. Finally, she stood in front of an empty computer lab and decided to take the opportunity.

"Okay..." she said to herself when she sat down at a computer console and pulled up the files of the Enterprise's last missions. Well, at least as far as they were accessible without any command codes. She might perhaps guess them, for she knew her father's preferences regarding passwords or might even be able to hack in, but she still wanted to keep everything as low key as possible.

So, Jamie watched a few security cam feeds and after that she sat down on the floor and looked into the unending deep space. That always helped her thinking. Now, however, her mind went blank...

After some time the stood up and took a PADD. She made sure it was empty and programmed it with some codes to prevent anyone from this time to be able to access or read it. Then she started with some basics - she wrote down encounters with the Borg and made some kind of a mind map with places, weaponry and all she could think of what might help.

When Jamie was done, she connected the PADD in a read only way to a station with a holographic generator. Before she activated it she locked the room. No one was to walk in and accidentally see knowledge from and about the future.

And then, there it was... An elaborate swirl of all what she knew about the Borg and prior attempts to defeat them. With her hands she shifted the projected notes around her...

...studied them...

...made corrections...

...or additions...

...rearranged the blocks...

...but she always shook her head.

Every battle had severe losses. People were assimilated or died. Ships, colonies or space stations were mostly destroyed.

In 2263 James Kirk and his crew first had first encountered the Borg while the Enterprise-A was under construction and he had captained the USS Endeavour. They had tried to assimilate Spock - but had failed due to his unique hybrid physiology. For several years after that no other Borg cube was seen in Federation space. Weapon's experts worked on ways to fight them, but when they finally showed up again, all improved or new weapons were no use. Because the Borg had also evolved. For many years there was kind of a status quo. The Borg attacked, were forced back by great cost, and returned a few years later. Currently in Jamie's time another return was in progress. But this time the Borg were stronger than ever before. Starfleet Command feared they would succeed in invading and assimilating Earth and even an evacuation was in discussion.

Jamie's thoughts wandered to the letters Ambassador Spock had left. They had gotten temporarily lost when the Enterprise had crash landed on Altamid. Many belongings of crewmembers had been salvaged years later. The chest with the letters had been amongst those things. Two had been damaged - one of them being the letter about the Borg. The Elder Spock had originally addressed it to the year 2364 - one year before the Enterprise-D would encounter the Borg - but some of the officers, who found the envelopes, had recognized the word Borg. So Starfleet Command read that letter. Ambassador Spock didn't go into much details, but he described the enemies and emphasized their dangerousness. There were a few remarks and warnings that might have been able to save lives - if the confrontations would have been as they were in the other timeline. Not in this though, not with the Borg showing up so much earlier.

But - the way Spock wrote implied that his timeline's Starfleet was able to win against the Borg in the end. They protected and saved the Alpha Quadrant. So, it _was_ possible. Jamie had so hoped to be able to ask Ambassador Spock and talk him into telling her how they did it.

But here she was. On her own.

Jamie pondered about her conversations with this time's Spock. She even considered for a moment to call him and show him her mind map - but decided against it. This was way too much knowledge about the future.

Was it as the young Spock surmised? Could a fresh perspective help? Here and now nobody knew about the Borg. But this was the past. Less efficient weapons and shields. No way to defeat the Borg. How could she find the way to win here? Also, every piece of information about them here could and would change future events.

Jamie let her gaze wander. The holographic words started to blur before her tired eyes. She crossed her arms and closed her eyes. She sighed, turned to the window and started to look into the vast darkness again.

And then it suddenly hit her.

"We were going about it all wrong", she muttered to herself and stepped back in the middle of the holographic projection. "Oh... how stupid..."

Now she saw it. Crystal clear. All the Starfleet experts - and she herself - had always only thought about better and stronger weapons and shields. For years they were hell bent on finding the ultimate way to win.

"What if it's not the time for that?" she whispered to herself. "It's all too early." Yes, the first encounter was in this timeline 2263 and not 2365 as in the Ambassador's.

Every battle in this timeline ended with losses, and yet some kind of status quo. So... "What if we get a... timeout?"

Jamie's eyes suddenly lightened up. Her hands flew around throwing aside all notes about weapons. She augmented her notes about the collective mind of the Borg and what she knew about their computer systems. Which wasn't very much. But enough to know that everything was heavily protected. An approach would have to be very careful and aim at something non vital in order to get through and not be detected.

And there it was - a plan formed in Jamie's mind. She went to the computer and pulled up a basic pattern for a computer virus from the Enterprise's database. She copied it to the password protected PADD and started her work.

If someone were to call this a weapon, it would be one far less than ordinary. Jamie Kirk was now designing a computer virus to make the Borg simply forget about the Federation and Starfleet. Well, at least for a while.

First step: Finish the programming.

Second step: Getting it in a Borg cube's system in her own time. Tricky.

Third step: Wait until the virus would be spreaded through the whole collective, thereby partially rebooting it and making them think they didn't yet came to the Alpha Quadrant. Then destroy all Borg ships in the Alpha Quadrant to ensure that clean slate. Okay, that last part would be also tricky...

As a result Starfleet could go on to find a way to defeat the Borg in the far future when they would eventually and inevitably learn about the Federation. Again.

It was a risky plan, of course. But it would work. Jamie was sure about that. Her self-confidence was back. She smiled and typed faster.

* * *

Commander Jamie Kirk was very good with computers, but she knew she would have to get a few people to check her work over when she was back in her own time. She'd also need the latest intel on Borg technology when she was home. But after hours of programming and even skipping lunch she was done with what she could put together with the limited resources she had. The PADD in her hands contained the virus that would help them win in the long run.

She slowly looked up. "I would like to say goodbye to them."

 _I will open the portal when you are ready_ , the voice of the Guardian of Forever sounded in her head.

* * *

When Jamie entered the mess hall of the Enterprise with the PADD in her right hand, it was almost exactly 24 hours after her arrival on the ship. She saw the senior staff at the same table as the day before, pulled up a chair and sat down.

"I wanted to say goodbye."

She received surprised looks. And the Captain's gaze wandered to the PADD.

"You found what you were looking for", he remarked.

"Yeah", she smiled. "Talking to Spock and you helped a lot. I understand now why I ended up here... And I got an idea and worked something out." Jamie pointed to the PADD. "Hope you don't mind that I'm taking this PADD with me."

Jim Kirk smiled approvingly. "Wanna tell us about it?"

"Sorry, it..." She chose her words carefully. "... would be too early... here. Certain... things have to happen first..." Jamie smiled again. "But don't worry, I've got you covered. I just can't tell you more."

"And there's Captain Cryptic again", Sulu threw in and saluted playfully.

Everyone laughed, except Spock of course.

Jamie smiled brightly and rose from the chair. "Thanks again for your help." She picked up the PADD and held it with both arms against her upper body. "I'll see you around."

Jim Kirk returned the smile. "Good look with everything."

"Guardian", Jamie called, still smiling at the officers. Behind her, across the mess hall, suddenly a whirling energy portal formed. She turned around slowly and walked into the time vortex. It vanished a few seconds later.


	7. Chapter 7: A family tradition

**Chapter 7: A family tradition**

When Jamie stood again in front of the Guardian of Forever she was relieved. But... "Is the timeline okay?" she asked, just to be sure, while letting her gaze wander over the ruins and up in the night sky. There was a small moving light. The Enterprise. B. Orbiting the planet.

"Everything is as it should be. You are again where you belong."

She nodded, clutched the PADD resting against her left thigh a little tighter and turned around to face the portal. "You're really sneaky, you know?"

"Meeting the older Spock would not have lead you to the revelations you needed", the Guardian explained. "And as someone once said: Sometimes when it seems that things are falling apart, they may actually be falling right into place."

Her face softened. "I know... _now_... If I asked you how everything will be turning out, would I get an answer?"

"I cannot reveal to you what is yet to come in your future."

Jamie chuckled. "That's what I thought..."

"But there is one thing I _can_ say. You may know it by now... This reality developed very differently from that particular other one the older Spock came from. You are _not_ someone's shadow. Not by far. Believe me. As I said: I can see everything. All that is, all that was and all that ever could be."

"Thank you for sending me to the younger Spock and my father", Jamie said softly. She wondered if that had been more than the Guardian actually was allowed to do, wondered if that counted as interfering. But she decided not to ask.

"Did I get back the moment I left?" she asked instead. The sky was suspiciously dark, as she realized now.

"No. It is right before dawn."

" _What?_ Why?" Jamie sighed exasperated. Of course, she'd said to the Lieutenant in the transporter room that she didn't know how long she would be gone. But the whole night? Oh boy.

"There were things that needed to happen here before your return. You will see when you get back on your ship."

Jamie took a deep breath and touched the Starfleet insignia communicator on her uniform. "Kirk to Enterprise. I'm done here. Beam me up."

When Jamie Kirk vanished in the swirl of light the ancient portal powered down. The Guardian of Forever went back to sleep.

* * *

Captain Joanna McCoy was standing in the transporter room, when Commander Jamie Kirk materialized.

"So, a funny thing happened", the Captain began to speak as if it was a completely casual conversation over a cup of coffee. "My first officer, just like that, took off without an away team and beamed down on a strange planet and vanished the whole night. Apparently on a little trip through time..." She crossed her arms and looked sternly at Jamie. "Yeah, we found out what's down there. And Nyota told me about some letters Selek left behind."

Jamie shrugged while the Captain went on talking. She stepped down from the transporter pad, still letting rest the PADD against her left thigh.

"And all of a sudden the Enterprise is turned into grand central station. The Ambassadors Uhura and Spock arrived about an hour ago. Your parents are on their way, bringing half the fleet along with them. They were actually supposed to join the other half at Wolf 359 to engage the Borg, but when Jim heard in which star system we are he took command of the fleet and called it off. He said something about waiting a long time for this day. They'll be here in a few minutes, I guess... Spock said something similar, by the way, and Nyota made sure that all senior officers are waiting for us right now in the briefing room. Sulu is currently on Yorktown Base and sent a weird four-word-message for you. And while I was on my way here I got informed that my Dad called and wants us to call him back as soon as you're on the ship again. Apparently he was cursing about that Guardian-thing down there."

"What's the message?" Jamie asked coolly.

Joanna glared at her. "Really? That's your question now?" She rolled her eyes. "It says: Welcome home, Captain Cryptic."

Jamie just laughed.

"Are you going to tell me what the hell is happening or do I have it to make an order?" the Captain asked and pointed at the PADD in Jamie's hand. But there was also a slight amused smile on her lips.

When Jamie was about to answer the doors slid open and Nyota Uhura walked in. She wore a Vulcan robe and her hair was skillfully pinned up. "So, back from your trip to the past, Jamie?"

The Commander smiled. "You know everything, right?"

"Yes. I know and I remember. We all do. When you grew up and started to look like a particular visitor from our past, we realized that it was you and not another version of Jim Kirk. Spock confirmed it. We were expecting the day you would be in this star system and go to the Guardian of Forever."

Joanna watched them and started to understand.

Jamie couldn't suppress a slight grin. "It's a little bit funny, don't you think?"

"Going to the past was dangerous..." Nyota shook her head, then smiled again. "We were quite blind back then..." She and gestured both women to walk with her. "Come on, the senior officers are already waiting for us. I guess you have a lot to tell. Carol and Jim can beam directly there when they arrive."

* * *

The officers and visitors at the conference table had hanging their mouths open by the time Jamie finished her briefing about the Guardian of Forever, her trip to the past and the computer virus. Though - Admiral James T. Kirk was simply grinning. Admiral Carol Marcus-Kirk and Ambassador Nyota Uhura were smiling and Ambassador Spock nodded approvingly.

"So, basically, you want to reprogram the Borg... Isn't that a little bit like cheating?" one of the science officers asked with a wink. Of course, everyone got the reference.

Jamie grinned broadly. "Oh, no. But let's call it... a little family tradition." She looked to her father who was smiling very proudly at her.

Laughter filled the room.

"But isn't it a no-win scenario after all? Aren't we merely delaying the inevitable now?" another officer asked.

Jamie shook her head firmly. "All we need is time - even if it might be fifty or one hundred years. Time and trust in ourselves and the people who are yet to be born. When the Borg return in the far future, Starfleet will be prepared." Her lips cracked into a confident smile. " We always wanted to create better and stronger weapons. But fighting at this point of time is wrong. It's a long game. And we will win."

* * *

After the briefing Jamie and Spock stayed behind. He was standing at the window front and she stepped next to him.

"It must have been hard for you knowing all these things for all this time, not telling the others and waiting for today to happen."

He nodded. "I always knew that everything would turn out the right way. Because I know you and your family. I trust you."

"Yeah... but 25 years..."

They both went silent.

"I was quite lost...for a while..." she said finally.

Spock put a hand on her shoulder. "So you were. But when you remembered who you are and finally trusted yourself again, you changed the game... Above all else, to thine own self be true..."

Jamie smiled at the quote from Shakespeare.

"You found a way to achieve what many thought to be impossible after all those battles against the Borg. I am certain that your plan will work."

"It's kind of fun to do the impossible." She grinned. "Walt Disney. Perhaps we should make that the family motto."

Then Jamie took a deep breath and her face got serious again. "But don't worry. I know that there's still much work to do. And we need to get this virus somehow in their systems. That will be still a challenge... So, now that we're all on the same page we better get started."

The End


End file.
